Here is How to Do Your Shadow Work

Shadow work is a deep process of inner exploration, essential for anyone committed to real self-transformation. It is part of the broader path known as individuation — a term coined by Carl Jung to describe the journey toward authentic inner unification: the Self. Individuation is a lived path toward wholeness that involves making the unconscious parts of ourselves conscious, embracing both our light and our shadow, and learning to embody our full truth — not just who we think we are, but all that we are.

The term shadow refers to all aspects of ourselves that we repress, deny, disown, suppress or reject. We often think of the shadow as negative (anger, selfishness, jealousy…), but it can also include positive qualities we’ve suppressed or never dared to recognize. For example, someone who sees themselves as humble may admire charismatic or ambitious people and feel “small” around them — without realizing they too possess these same qualities but have buried them. Shadow work invites us to recognize and reintegrate both the “dark” and “light” parts of ourselves we’ve hidden.

Shadow work should be practiced any time you feel deeply emotionally triggered by a situation, or when someone irritates or angers you with what they say or do. A typical thought might be: “They’re like that, but me? Never!” Shadow work is also relevant in mirror-like situations, where someone reflects something back to you — as if they were your mirror.

Step 1: Emotional Processing

Emotional processing is the first essential step. When you feel a strong emotion, sit down comfortably, close your eyes, and focus solely on that emotion. Don’t analyze it, judge it, or try to change it. Name it and simply observe where the emotion manifests in your body. Perhaps you feel a knot in your stomach or tightness in your chest. Breathe deeply and become the emotion itself. Feel it from the inside.

If the emotion persists, use the sensation layering technique: focus on a part of your body that feels neutral or good, like your feet on the ground. Let this positive sensation coexist with the uncomfortable emotion, allowing your system to regain its balance.

Example 1:

Sophie is angry after an argument with a colleague. Instead of repressing her anger, she sits quietly and feels heat rising in her chest. She tells herself “this emotion is anger”, breathes deeply, observes the sensation without judgment, and notices the intensity of the emotion slowly decreasing as she gives it her attention.

Example 2:

Alexei feels overwhelmed after a family lunch where his brother, once again, dominated the conversation and didn’t let others speak. Rather than ignoring the emotion or lashing out, Alexei goes to the bathroom and focuses on his bodily sensations. He closes his eyes, breathes deeply, and observes the tension in his belly without fleeing or judging it. He realises that the emotion he is feeling is shame. He allows the heat and irritation to fill his body, then exhales strongly and shakes out his hands. After a few minutes, the intensity of the emotion begins to fade.

Example 3:

Maya comes home upset after inviting a friend for coffee who declined in a curt tone. She feels rejected, overwhelmed by sadness and discomfort. After singleton consciously that the emotion she is feeling is sadness, she decides to sit quietly. With her eyes closed, she feels a lump in her throat and tension in her chest. She breathes deeply, without analyzing, and allows herself to become the sensation. She feels rejection — an old wound — without needing to understand it. She simply stays with the emotion, letting it move through her.

Step 2: Recognize and Accept the Projection

Once the emotion has settled, begin exploring projection. Accept the idea — just for now — that the trait you criticize in another also exists in you, even if you’re unaware of it. You might express that trait in different ways or under different circumstances, even subtly. For example, if you criticize someone’s laziness, chances are you’ve had moments of laziness too that you’ve denied or suppressed.

Look for concrete examples in your own life where you’ve expressed that trait you judge in others. Even small examples help you recognize that part of yourself.

Example 1:

Sophie, who criticizes her colleague for being lazy, remembers times when she avoided hard tasks or procrastinated on important personal projects. She realizes she’s not always as diligent as she thinks and that she, too, has lazy moments.

Example 2:

Back home, Alexei reflects on why his brother’s behavior affected him so deeply. He realizes that it’s not just his brother’s loud, dominant attitude that bothers him — it’s also that he himself often feels too withdrawn in family conversations. He tends to avoid conflict and prefers listening over asserting himself.

He sees that what he criticizes in his brother — excessive assertiveness — is something he has long repressed in himself. He recalls moments when he wished he’d spoken up but chose to stay silent. He realizes he’s projecting his own lack of assertiveness onto his brother.

Example 3:

Once her emotional charge has subsided, Maya reflects on what her friend’s reaction stirred in her. She asks: “What am I projecting here?” Two things emerge:

• On one hand, she sometimes rejects others too — she remembers leaving a friend’s message unanswered when she didn’t feel like socializing.

• On the other hand, she rejects herself more often than she’d like to admit: criticizing herself internally, not allowing herself to be sensitive, minimizing her needs for fear of being a burden.

She realizes what she sees in the other is a mirror of her own conscious or unconscious behaviors.

Step 3: Self-Love and Forgiveness

Once you’ve recognized the trait in yourself, it’s time to offer yourself love and forgiveness. Accept that you are human and imperfect — that’s part of life. Everyone has shadows, and they don’t make you less worthy of love or respect. Acknowledge that you’ve always done your best with the tools and experiences you had.

Remember: there’s a life force within you — a natural intelligence that keeps you alive and makes your heart beat every day, despite your flaws. That force loves you unconditionally.

Example 1:

Sophie forgives herself for her lazy moments and realizes they don’t make her less competent. She accepts that she doesn’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love and respect. She takes a moment to appreciate her own humanity and imperfection.

Example 2:

Having recognized that he too could be more assertive, Alexei realizes he’s not always the passive listener he thought. He allows himself the right to not always be quiet and accommodating. He forgives himself for raising his voice or even occasionally entering conflict.

Example 3:

Acknowledging both her rejection of others and herself, Maya places a hand on her chest and offers herself tenderness. She tells herself she’s doing her best. She understands that judgment doesn’t help healing and chooses to forgive the moments when she rejected herself and when she closed off from others.

Step 4: Loving the Shadow

Now, shift your perspective on your shadow. What you once saw as an unacceptable flaw may have something valuable to offer. What if this trait had a positive side? Open yourself to that possibility. Maybe your laziness allows you to rest, slow down, or gain perspective. Every rejected part likely holds a hidden gift.

Example 1:

Sophie begins to see that laziness helps her relax. It allows her to rest, recharge, and return more productive. She realizes that if she had embraced that side of herself sooner, she might’ve avoided two burnouts. In recognizing this, she starts appreciating the part of herself she had long rejected.

Example 2:

Reflecting on times he’d spoken up before, Alexei notices that people suddenly listened and respected him. He begins to see that being more assertive could help him finally be heard and get the things he wants.

Example 3:

Maya begins to look at her fear of rejection differently. What if it was trying to protect her? She realizes that fear has led her to seek sincere, meaningful connections. She also sees that the rejection she sometimes inflicts isn’t cruelty, but a need to set boundaries. Her self-rejection, too, was a coping strategy: if she criticizes herself before others do, she feels a semblance of control.

She now sees this fear as a misunderstood ally — a part of her that deserves love and recognition.

Step 5: Gratitude and Completion

End your shadow work by expressing gratitude. Thank your shadow for the lessons it taught you. Thank yourself for the courage to face your hidden parts. You can also thank the person or situation that triggered your reaction, for serving as a mirror to your shadow.

Example 1:

Sophie thanks her colleague for triggering her self-awareness. Thanks to this experience, she feels more at peace with laziness and less critical of him and others.

Example 2:

Alexei concludes by thanking the experience — and his brother — for helping him see the part of himself he had neglected. He’s grateful to have recognized the importance of both assertion and receptivity. He thanks his shadow for this opportunity to grow. He feels lighter, more whole.

Example 3:

To close, Maya thanks the experience, however uncomfortable it was. She thanks her friend for triggering a still-living wound in her — one that helped her shed light on a forgotten part of herself. She also thanks the part of her that fears rejection, for helping her set boundaries, seek authenticity, and reconnect with her need for love. She feels more complete and at peace.

Final Note:

The process is now complete. Your body and subconscious may now naturally shift your behaviors or habits — or not. Don’t try to force change, and don’t block it either. Simply trust the intelligence of your being to find its own balance, doing or not doing what’s best for you and for others.

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